Monthly Archives: November 2015

Emotional Phases of College Football

If you have been dragged into the dark-pit of addictive fandom known as college football, then you know all the feelings that come with it.

Thanksgiving break means football rivalries, football take-alls, and some grand finales.

If you have not been pulled into this craze, here is a little insight into the feels of football at the collegiate level.


1 – Pre-Game

What better way to prepare for this American past-time than get obliterated before it even starts?  Give me some of that spiked sweet tea, please!



2 – Kickoff Time




3 – The first bad play

It’s fine. I’m totally okay. I’m just going to rub this food on my face to make sure I’m still here.



4 – The first bad call

Did they get these refs from pee-wee football?



5 – Touchdown…..for the other team

Booooooo, go home!




I. Am. So. PUMPED.



7 – Half-Time

I think this is going well….



8 – Third quarter nerves

I don’t know, should I be excited? Maybe I should be nervous? I’m going to just keep drinking…



9 – Start of the fourth quarter

This is serious. No time for jokes or cheering or happiness. Silence yourselves.



10 – The last two minutes

Oh good, Lord, please send all your angels down to this football field and carry our players on golden wings into the end-zone.



11 – Game over (your team won)



or game over and your team lost

I am void of any emotion. My whole being was just stolen from me.



May your team always win and may the flags never be bogus.










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I’m Done With: Driving (in FL)

Florida’s driving experience in one sentence:  Driving across a bridge for days next to a million-year-old person from ‘up North’ and running over construction cones. Welcome to the Sunshine state.


Not only do they drive slowly, but they drive erratically. But that’s probably because they are sitting so far up in their seat that their forehead touches the windshield. One cannot properly drive if his or her chest is caved into the steering wheel. Also, old people are so short that you never know if someone is actually in the driver’s seat or not….”Maybe it’s one of those new driver-less cars!……oh no, just a hundred-year-old man again.” #disappointed




What’s worse than old people all over the roadways? Snowbirds. They are old people from out of town, which means they cannot drive by default plus have an out-of-town handicap. let me define snowbirds for you: people who want to escape the cold but clog up our roads and create severe rage among Floridians. When the sign says 45MPH, it means 50MPH is the socially acceptable speed, 45MPH is the you-must-have-just-gotten-a-ticket speed, 40MPH is you’re-testing-my-patience-speed and anything else means you need to get off of the road right this second. Snowbirds always go 10MPH under the limit. Plus their sense of proper driving must completely escape their brain once they depart from their home state. Stopping traffic so you can move over 4 lanes for a right turn coming up in 2 miles IS NOT OKAY.




It never ends. Probably because our state never ends. But still, once you think you’ve made it to a clearing in traffic, WHAM. It is all a cruel game the government plays with you. One moment you are cruising, peacefully above the speed limit, and then within seconds you have to completely stop and merge three lanes into one. And people wonder why one of Florida’s cities is at the top of the country’s road rage list (cough, cough Miami).




Honestly, cars in Florida should be half boats. See when it rains, it pours. Flooding is a given between the months of June and September. But Floridians don’t stop for rain, hail, hurricanes, or anything. We’ve been through it all and nothing phases us. But what it does phase is our cars. You’d think we would learn that we stall out when the rain is up to the top of our windshields, but nope. Every time there is a wave of rain, there are a bunch of cars making their final trip to the junk yard. RIP grandma’s Lincoln Town car.




Florida has many long bridges because nothing is connected here. We have bodies of water everywhere, so it is nothing new to be crossing a bridge for over 15 minutes. Literally, you take a bridge from some places just to get to a grocery store or a gas station. Those warnings to check your gas tank levels are all too real. Who even remembers they need gas for their car? Well, you remember when you’re on a bridge for more than 10 miles.




So if you plan to visit Florida, be prepared to test your driving limits. And if you live in Florida, I’m so sorry for having no patience left anymore.

– God speed and good luck –







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adOPTtion – The New Pregnancy

Get it? OPT to ADOPT? I’m so clever, right?

1 in 6 Americans are impacted by adoption – I’m one of them.

Did you know there are 106,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted?

Did you know 23,000 children age out of the foster care system each year with no family?


Although National Adoption Month is for raising awareness of those children in foster care, I believe all adoptions, foster care or not, are very important! Foster care children tend to live without a forever family and many only leave when they turn 18 years old. Love is not bound by genes or blood. Love is not strictly between a mother and her biological child. Love is for all the children of this world. Let’s create a movement to leave no child behind.

Here are a few myths and things to think about, regarding adopting:

  1. “I cannot have children so I will never be a mother or father”

Some people are infertile and take the news like a gunshot to the heart. I understand it is sad and a monumental moment in one’s life. However, there are those, who say they can never be a mother or father anymore because of it. Is a child, who is not made up of the same genes as you, not able to be your child? 106,000 children are waiting for parents and a family. These children are afraid no one will ever love them. You can be a mother or father to these children and change their life in more ways than you could ever imagine. You will not only be a parent but also a savior for these boys and girls. You will save them, not create them. You will love those who need love the most. My parents had boys but wanted to be a mother and father to a daughter. Thus, I came into the picture. And obviously made things way better!

  1. “You never know what you’re going to get”

That’s right. You could get an addiction baby, a baby with a disease, a baby with future behavioral issues. Did you know that your own child (made of your blood and genes) could have a disease? Did you know your biological child could have a hereditary disease passed down along family lines? Or maybe your biological child could have an extra chromosome? Or did you know your biological child could have major behavioral issues? Among the evil people of this world, terrorists, serial killers, sexual predators, etc. do you know how many are adopted? Only a few (if any). So no, you don’t know what you’re getting when you adopt a child. However, you have just as little idea when you have a biological child. It’s absurd to use this excuse, and that is all it is: an excuse. My parents got a brilliant, beautiful, angelic bundle, called me. You’re welcome, dad and mom, for being way better than what you thought you were getting.

  1. “The child might never feel like a part of the family”

This is also true…if you treat them like they aren’t part of the family. Love and discipline your adopted child as you would any of you children. It is not that hard of a concept. If you treat them as if they are an outsider, then they will grow up feeling like that. However, showing that parental love, that supportive care, having loads of fun, and making memories will help that child feel a part of you. You will probably even forget you never carried that child yourself! I think I even look like my brothers and my parents, minus the fact that they all wear glasses (go me). Also, you will never be called the child’s “adoptive parents”….my parents are MY PARENTS….no other adjective, except “wonderful” or “loving” or “supportive” and so on. I have never felt like an outsider….I got picked on by my older brothers like true siblings and wrapped my parents right around my cute, pudgy little finger from day 1. What’s more authentic than that?

  1. “You have to love your child”

When you have a biological child, you have to love them, right? They’re your flesh and bones. However, when you adopt a child you chose to WANT to love. How great of a feeling is that? You don’t have to love your child; by opting to adopt, you want to love. You have all this desire to be a parent and help a child grow to their full potential; that’s real love. It is amazing to know my family wanted to love me. And they also have to love me because I’m amazing, and they would be crazy not to.

  1. “All foster kids are labeled as ‘special needs’”

They are only given that label because a lot of children are taken from abusive situations or neglect situations. It does not mean that they need special education needs or have mental disorders or anything of the sorts. A lot of people worry the child may have been a “crack baby” or an “addiction baby” but some women give up their baby because they cannot financially or emotionally care for a child. It is honestly better they do give that child up for adoption than attempt to care for the baby. I’m not a crack baby or an addiction baby or any kind of baby other than a perfect package of loveliness. And there are many more babies like me out there, too. I may be special, but that’s just because I’m too sarcastic and sassy for my own good usually…and I love food too much. #sorrynotsorry

Hands make heart shape

Hands make heart shape


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8 Things You Know You’ve Done

You know you’ve done each and every one of these things. Don’t lie to yourself. Or me.

  1. Slowing down as you are passing a cop with radar hoping the radar only catches your speed when you literally right in front of the police car
  2. Drinking cold water after burning your tongue or throat hoping it would un-burn you
  3. Trying to delete a text while it’s still sending in hopes that stops it from going through
  4. Eating an entire pizza by yourself and immediately start walking around to attempt to freeze the calories in time
  5. Punching someone in the neck while going in for a hug because you couldn’t figure out whose arms were going on top
  6. Paying your credit card frantically hoping that every minute you save you don’t get the full interest.
  7. Tearing the grocery bag, giving yourself a hernia, and popping a blood vessel in your face while you struggle to make only one trip up the stairs after shopping
  8. Watering your plant after it has already turned yellow-brown…it can come back from this, right?

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It’s Not December


So last time I checked, November comes after October….not December.

I get Christmas is exciting, decorating a giant tree with strings of popcorn, greedily awaiting your presents, selectively recalling the actual meaning of the holiday, and eating the cookies you set out for a man, who will never appear (sorry to have to tell you that). But why does that mean Thanksgiving should be tossed aside and forgotten, like that gift grandma got you?


It is said the original Thanksgiving may not have been as happy as we would like to portray it, but its representation is real and something to keep alive. It’s a day that reminds us what we need to be thankful for. It’s a day to test our patience. It’s a day to ruin our dieting plans.


What’s better than gorging on massive amounts of carbs and turkey? I mean, who really needs to go on a diet? This ONE day won’t make you explode. It will make your pants explode right off you, but you won’t be harmed…much.


You are killing the soul of many out in the world, who actually look forward to Thanksgiving, by just skipping right over it like you skip over the salad portion of the meal. You are the reason my soul is crushed. Plus you’re apparently killing reindeer, too.


So this is a call to action to remember the fallen turkeys. Remember the lost holidays that Hallmark didn’t create.

Bring back Thanksgiving at full force!

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