Monthly Archives: February 2017

If Food was My Valentine

Let’s be honest, if we could pick our Valentine, the majority of us would pick a food item…or items. Food knows us best and in all the right ways.

Food won’t leave me

“Single humor #morefoodforme #foodlover:

Food knows my deepest desires

She wears short skirts,I eat pizza. she's cheer captain and I'm still eating  pizza.:

Food cares about my well-being

I like this fact. I'll use it next time someone gripes about my donut habits.:

Food won’t leave feeling me empty inside

When you're full, then someone brings out a cake.:

Food calms me when I’m stressed

Nerd Out On 28 Funny Pictures Check more at http://8bitnerds.com/nerd-out-on-28-funny-pictures-2/:

Food can’t hurt me

Nutrition and BalloFlex...a great pair!  Love the good fat.   Food Humor #35:

All in all, food is the winner. What could be a better date? Enjoy your V-Day while I’ll be with my true love…food.

xOx

 

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V-Day, or AKA Victory Day

Image result for victory meme

It’s that time of year again! The time for flowers, chocolate, fancy dinners, and heart shaped everything from cookies to pillows to toilet paper sheets. Instead of complaining about it or calling it SAD-day, let’s call it the name it deserves…Victory Day.

We’re victors! We have stayed single for another WHOLE year! We did it, despite all odds: we remained companion-free.

February 14 is a day to celebrate our singleness. Our day to celebrate independence and individuality. Our day to celebrate our ability to not give in to societal standards of being coupled off.

How to Celebrate Victory Day:

 

1. Turn that frown upside down… into smirks

 

2. Catch those tears and water the flowers planted in the ashes of your ex’s stuff

 

3. Throw away the pity-chocolates and order yourself a damn cake to congratulate yourself

 

4. Take those heart shaped candies and crush them as party favors for V-Day

 

5. Don’t cancel that dinner reservation, find the sexiest dress you have, and grab your bestie

 

6. Don’t run from the color red, instead paint your face for battle

 

Forever Alone on valentines day

 

Embrace the holiday with open arms and a heart full of sass. It will make it so much better while all those fake couples showcase their love as publicly as they can.

 

xOx

 

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A Guide to the Super Bowl

It’s that yearly event where men put on helmets and chase a ball down the field, and we have to pretend we actually care. Here’s a guide to help those, who don’t really care, get through the night. Here’s what to expect and how to deal with it.

 

1. Look up who’s playing

It’s an über American team from New England and some vicious birds from Atlanta.

Image result for patriots vs falcons

 

2. This is Superbowl LI

Which means “Losers Involved” – jk it’s for 51….as in the 51st game…how did we make it this far?

Image result for loser meme

 

3. Learn some quick facts about the past games

Learn what Deflate Gate is… Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds…deflated egos…

New England has been in it 8 times already (greedy bastards) and Atlanta has only been in it once before (so sad).

Patriots deflategate

 

 

4. Plan your party

Aka: Find the best, most carb-packed recipes you can.

Image result for superbowl party humor

 

5. Alcohol, lots of alcohol which can help pass the time

Normally, one does not promote drinking, but in this case it’s the only thing to help you get through football

Image result for drinking meme

 

6. Don’t talk during the commercials

Talking during the game is fine, in fact go ahead and chat it up. But, as soon as the commercials come on you betta shut da heck up.

Image result for superbowl commercial

 

7. The half-time show is “The World’s Biggest Stage”

And Lady Gaga will be singing so get your crazy ready.

The Funniest Memes From Superbowl 50 - 18 Pics:

 

8. Who do you want to win?

Honestly, don’t care. The red/white/blue team or the black/red team. Personally, black is quite fashionable and slimming, so I’m going to go with them.

Grumpy Cat Humor | NBA Playoffs | Grumpy Cat's take on the first game of the NBA playoffs | "I hope both teams lose! | From the Funny Technology community on Google+:

 

 

Good luck and may your weight gain not be as dramatic as it feels

xOx

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