Category Archives: debate

Finally the End Begins – Iowa

Tonight marks the start of the beginning of the end. The Iowa Caucus has begun and that means we are finally beginning the journey to the end of this political chaos.

We all know what the candidates say on the outside; the lies and blasphemy they blurt to appease the largest group of people. But what are they really thinking? Wouldn’t it be good to know what’s going on inside? Let’s take a look at the candidates from their campaigning shenanigans this past week and see what they are actually thinking:

Hillary Clinton is really thinking: Did someone remember to put that stupid Iowa flag up? I’ve gotten really suck up to these Iowians…is that a word? Note to self: have my assistant look that up later… “Um what did you ask, again?”

 

Trump is really thinking: Mhmm, yes, yes, this is going to look GREAT to all those Evangelists. I hope someone is taking a photo of this moment. Let me purse my lips to make it look like I am actually feeling His presence. Jokes on you, Christians! 

Rubio is actually thinking: I hope no one notices me sweating. Please don’t notice, please don’t notice, please don’t…. Oh no, these spotlights are not working for me, are they?

 

Paul is actually thinking: I believe… I believe that….I believe that I can win, I believe that I can win….c’mon Rand, you got this, eyes on the prize, stand strong, you’ve got this. Best. Pep-talk. Ever.

 

Santorum is actually thinking: Ha ha ha, check it out errrrybody. Nobody knows that I pretended this was Trump while I shot. Slayed him.

 

Kasich is really thinking: Nailed that fist bump. Did anyone see that? I crushed it with a millennial. GO JOHN GO.

 

Cruz is actually think: Hehe that is tickling my ear. And that’s all he’s got going up top.  

Bush is thinking: I’m actually talking to an empty room. Luckily no one really watches me to know that, though.

O’Malley, poor guy, is thinking: This about sums it up. Only my fist makes it in focus for the photo.

Fiorina is thinking: Are the lights on? Did they not realize that I’m the guest speaker? I’m just going to keep talking straight into the souls of my audience.

 

Christie is actually thinking: Did they have to put a mirror right there? I already have two chins, now I have four thanks to those jerks…… MIRRORS ARE THE DEMISE OF SOCIETY AND THEY WILL KILL US SOMEDAY IF NO ACTION IS TAKEN.  

And, lastly, Sanders is thinking: Hey you over there, yeah, you, Mr. Ghost. I know you’re back listening to me and I will continue to point you out until everyone else sees you, too. Arg grrr ar gggg.

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Filed under debate, democrats, GOp, Humor, Uncategorized

GOP Debate Round 3

Have you stopped choking on your food yet?

This debate makes eating really hard. It also makes for a night involving a lot of “do you need some ice for that burn” moments and that little fire emoji. #ohsnap

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Adversarial doesn’t even begin to characterize this debate. Buckle up! It’s a loud ride tonight.

1. First of all, how about that answer Ted Cruz gave about the debt ceiling? How insightful and knowledgeable! I learned so much about his hate for the media, so of course I have to vote for him to handle our country’s financials!

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2. Then, we learned how Jeb and Marco really don’t have a bromance going on. Bush thinks Rubio needs to step up or step down (also the next Step Up movie subtitle) #haters

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3. I just can’t look at Trump without seeing an emoji. At least he’s a great spokesman for why to not do Botox; I’ve never seen eyebrows shot so far up someone’s forehead before.

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Donald Trump arrives to his Comedy Central Roast in New York, Wednesday, March 9, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Sykes)

Donald Trump arrives to his Comedy Central Roast in New York, Wednesday, March 9, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Sykes)

4. The Republican candidates LOVE the media. I mean, wow. The love is real and real deep. Cruz spent so much time talking about his hate for the media that even the media started hating themselves….. for letting him talk at all….

5. Trump doesn’t lie. All the articles that have ever been written about him are wrong. “I don’t know who’s doing the fact-checking here” said Trump….no one can figure out what side of an argument you’re going to take next, sir.

6. Wait, Mike Huckabee is still in this race? Hmm…okay.

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7. The fight for time to speak by candidates is like when children fight for the swings at recess. “It’s MY TURN!”

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8. The candidates are keeping such close tabs on each others’ time to speak that when it’s their turn to talk they forget what they stand for. They actually forget to talk about anything except how they didn’t get enough time. The last guy who complained about that didn’t have the best ending….Mr. Webb #LostTribute

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9. WAIT, CHRIS CHRISTIE IS STILL HERE? He just started talking….and it’s been an hour into the debate. I just choked (again) when his slight lisp piped up. Welcome to the debate!

10. You know who Huckabee is voting for! (Hint: It’s the orange candidate with a permanent wind-blown face)

11. Christie doesn’t like Fantasy Football talk….he just lost the votes of all males from the age 25 – 45 #sorrynotsorry

Cheers to our future!

xOx

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Breakdown of the Democratic Debate

The good ‘ole Donkey Debate. Bring on the blue!

Let’s just begin by saying this debate started off a bit slower than the Republican debate. However, these candidates are collectively about 450 years old, you need to remember. With that, it just means some good old fashion bickering is expected!

Bernie forgetting where he was in his sentence while simultaneously yelling his strong beliefs. Hillary staying sassy and not backing down from a good verbal fight (on guard!). O’Malley trying to prove he deserves to be there. Webb may be in the wrong place. And whoever that last guy is needs some love and attention, too.

First of all, WHERE IS JOE BIDEN…….

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“Uhhhh…I was supposed to be where?”

Second, Lincoln Chafee looks like a kid who just got told Santa really does exist.

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 30: Lincoln Chafee visits FOX Business Network at FOX Studios on September 30, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Rob Kim/Getty Images) ORG XMIT: 582326837 ORIG FILE ID: 490713554

Photo by Rob Kim/Getty Images) ORG XMIT: 582326837 ORIG FILE ID: 490713554

“Yay I’m so happy to be here! What did I sign up for, again?”

Third, Jim Webb is only there because CNN realized they needed someone to fill the empty podium left for Biden

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“I’d like a turn to speak please…..” [an hour into the debate]

Fourth, Hillary Clinton has got her sass out and wearing it proudly.

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“Do you have a comment [about the Benghazi emails], Mrs. Clinton?”   “No.”

Fifth, Bernie reminds me of being yelled at by my grandpa. I feel like I really have to agree with him; just nod yes!

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“FREE TUITION COLLEGES!” “MIDDLE CLASS TAKEOVERS” – Sir, yes sir! #fistpump

Lastly, Martin O’Malley……I do deserve to be here.

Martin O'Malley, former governor of Maryland and 2016 Democratic presidential candidate, speaks at the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute conference in Washington, D.C., U.S., on Wednesday, Oct. 7, 2015. While next Tuesday's first Democratic presidential debate will probably lack the name-calling and sharp jabs of the Republican face-offs, there's still potential for strong disagreements between the party's leading contenders. Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

“Please remember my name. Also, I want to fight Hillary a little”

Oh, there are other moderators than just Anderson Cooper?

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No.

xOx

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Filed under debate, democratic debate, democratic debate 2015, democrats, politics