The ABCs of the Election

26 thoughts we all really have about this election.

 

A – Alright, alright, alright let’s finish this thing already – The Great Matthew McConaughey

 

B – “Bad Hombres “the next phrase to be bleeped from TV  

 

C – Can I like fall asleep for the next 24 hours?

D – Dumbledore for Prez 2016 

E – Election Season is equivalent to stabbing your ears over and over

F – { f-word goes here }

G – GO VOTE

H – Hillary or Kate McKinnon? Both!

I – I just can’t talk to people anymore

J – Judging the debates was like TurnItIn.com checking your last minute paper = 90% plagiarized  

K – Knope for Prez 2016

L – LOL

M – My god, how many crazy people do we have living in the U.S.? Millions, apparently

N – Nasty women

O – Obama and Biden’s bromance will be greatly missed

P – President = the Face of America, not the Carrot with a Dead Thing on His Head of America

Q – “Quit while you’re ahead” is the only piece of advice Trump should have taken

R – Racism because society was trying to be better, and then a candidate had support from the KKK at one point

S – Shut up, stop saying racist/sexist/inaccurate things, stop trying to convince me to vote for someone, stop talking

T – Trump being a thing is still a prank, right? Good one

U – Ugly women are safe from Trump, thank God for bad genes

V – “Voted” sticker pics all over your social media

W – Write in a stupid name as a joke and you’re dead to me

X – X the box of your ballot instead of fully coloring it in like the tiny diagram says to and you’re also dead to me

Y – Yes, we can!…Get together and cry after the election

Z – Zoos have less BS than this election  

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Things That Were Before Trump2016 Was

Life used to be different, the crazy was hidden and people were manageable. But that all changed when the 2016 election started. Remember the good ‘ol days of 2014? Ah, such peace of mind and innocence. Here are 9 things that weren’t things before Trump 2016 was a thing:

  

1.  My mom always told me not to judge a book by its cover, but then someone in a Trump t-shirt walked by and she said forget anything I ever told you                            
2. Asia used to have a country called ‘China’, but now there is only ‘Jina’ and many illiterate children                                                           
3. People used to support POWs and veterans with PTSD, but now people support a candidate that says “it’s a POWs fault for getting caught” and “veterans with PTSD just couldn’t handle it” #notokay            
4. The crazies were hidden among us and naiviety was great, but now the crazies are making themselves known                                                                                        
5. Men use to wear toupées, but now they wear bleached dead animals on their heads                                 
6. Fencing companies used to be an actual business, but now there is only one man for that job: “nobody builds walls better than me”                                                                            
7. The election used to be a serious race between two qualified candidates, but now it’s a reality TV show where people text their votes in                                                          
8. It used to just be ‘body shaming’, but now it’s female-shaming                                                       
9. We used to be a melting pot society, but now we are Germany…in the 1930s…   
  
  
And in case you missed it, check out Alec Baldwin from SNL’s opening skit this past weekend! 
Until next time, 

xOx