Once again another friend of mine has gotten engaged. That makes ten of my peers now who have officially committed their lives to their significant other. And yet here I am, completely and one-hundred percent single. Not even a possibility on the horizon. The horizon is as clear as my message inbox. It’s as empty as my bank account. It’s as bare as my refrigerator.
The world today is sending mixed messages, which makes this single-state hard to fully understand. Independence, work-first-centered life, overly social yet commitment-free life, and quick to boredom are the values of our generation and today’s youth. However, a lot of our friends are getting engaged at this point in life. So are we supposed to be the young and free type, or the settle-down early type?
I think I’ve been forced into the first grouping of people. Or is it a defense we take on to explain why we are still single? What is more frustrating is that my Christian friends are the ones who seem to be getting engaged young. They have been in relationships with their SOs for a while, too. And as much as I’ve prayed for some sign, I’ve come up empty. Which only means that the horizon is still in fact clear of any male-sailboats heading to the shore. It’s just not time for me. How is it then that my friends have been graced with such love?
I want to be an independent person with a good career to keep me going, lots of different friends, always on the move. But I also want that special person to come home to at the end of the day, or to call up when I need someone to lean on, or to watch Netflix and eat ice cream with. I’m tired of being the third wheel or the only person without a plus-one at weddings or special events. And as mad as I get, I can’t really blame anyone. I can’t blame myself because I can’t change who I am, I can’t blame a guy because he is not interested in me, I can’t blame the couples I know because they are lucky.
Then comes the questions: Is there something wrong with me? What am I missing that these girls with boyfriends have? Will a guy even want to date me since I’ve never been in a long-term relationship? Do I have commitment problems? You know all of these cross your mind, too, if you are single. I agonize over these questions more than my stomach agonizes over that time between lunch and dinner. I mean, something must be wrong with me, right? I need to accept my bad luck, assume the worst, and move on. Or need to pray for genuine patience and acceptance of life as it is. I need to take in my journey as a single person. I need to learn things on my own, before a significant other is brought into my life, maybe. I need to walk my own path before diverging it with another person.
I hope I can stay positive and keep this mind-frame for a while. Comment back if you’re in the same boat as me! Love to all you singles xox.