Tag Archives: Clinton

The ABCs of the Election

26 thoughts we all really have about this election.

 

A – Alright, alright, alright let’s finish this thing already – The Great Matthew McConaughey

 

B – “Bad Hombres “the next phrase to be bleeped from TV  

Image result for bad hombres

 

C – Can I like fall asleep for the next 24 hours?

D – Dumbledore for Prez 2016 

E – Election Season is equivalent to stabbing your ears over and over

Image result for cover ears meme

F – { f-word goes here }

G – GO VOTE

H – Hillary or Kate McKinnon? Both!

Image result for kate mckinnon as hillary clinton

I – I just can’t talk to people anymore

J – Judging the debates was like TurnItIn.com checking your last minute paper = 90% plagiarized  

K – Knope for Prez 2016

L – LOL

M – My god, how many crazy people do we have living in the U.S.? Millions, apparently

N – Nasty women

O – Obama and Biden’s bromance will be greatly missed

Image result for obama biden bromance

P – President = the Face of America, not the Carrot with a Dead Thing on His Head of America

Q – “Quit while you’re ahead” is the only piece of advice Trump should have taken

R – Racism because society was trying to be better, and then a candidate had support from the KKK at one point

S – Shut up, stop saying racist/sexist/inaccurate things, stop trying to convince me to vote for someone, stop talking

hp

T – Trump being a thing is still a prank, right? Good one

U – Ugly women are safe from Trump, thank God for bad genes

V – “Voted” sticker pics all over your social media

Image result for i voted humor

W – Write in a stupid name as a joke and you’re dead to me

X – X the box of your ballot instead of fully coloring it in like the tiny diagram says to and you’re also dead to me

Y – Yes, we can!…Get together and cry after the election

Image result for election ballot meme
Z – Zoos have less BS than this election  

Image result for poop emoji

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Finally the End Begins – Iowa

Tonight marks the start of the beginning of the end. The Iowa Caucus has begun and that means we are finally beginning the journey to the end of this political chaos.

We all know what the candidates say on the outside; the lies and blasphemy they blurt to appease the largest group of people. But what are they really thinking? Wouldn’t it be good to know what’s going on inside? Let’s take a look at the candidates from their campaigning shenanigans this past week and see what they are actually thinking:

Hillary Clinton is really thinking: Did someone remember to put that stupid Iowa flag up? I’ve gotten really suck up to these Iowians…is that a word? Note to self: have my assistant look that up later… “Um what did you ask, again?”

 

Trump is really thinking: Mhmm, yes, yes, this is going to look GREAT to all those Evangelists. I hope someone is taking a photo of this moment. Let me purse my lips to make it look like I am actually feeling His presence. Jokes on you, Christians! 

Rubio is actually thinking: I hope no one notices me sweating. Please don’t notice, please don’t notice, please don’t…. Oh no, these spotlights are not working for me, are they?

 

Paul is actually thinking: I believe… I believe that….I believe that I can win, I believe that I can win….c’mon Rand, you got this, eyes on the prize, stand strong, you’ve got this. Best. Pep-talk. Ever.

 

Santorum is actually thinking: Ha ha ha, check it out errrrybody. Nobody knows that I pretended this was Trump while I shot. Slayed him.

 

Kasich is really thinking: Nailed that fist bump. Did anyone see that? I crushed it with a millennial. GO JOHN GO.

 

Cruz is actually think: Hehe that is tickling my ear. And that’s all he’s got going up top.  

Bush is thinking: I’m actually talking to an empty room. Luckily no one really watches me to know that, though.

O’Malley, poor guy, is thinking: This about sums it up. Only my fist makes it in focus for the photo.

Fiorina is thinking: Are the lights on? Did they not realize that I’m the guest speaker? I’m just going to keep talking straight into the souls of my audience.

 

Christie is actually thinking: Did they have to put a mirror right there? I already have two chins, now I have four thanks to those jerks…… MIRRORS ARE THE DEMISE OF SOCIETY AND THEY WILL KILL US SOMEDAY IF NO ACTION IS TAKEN.  

And, lastly, Sanders is thinking: Hey you over there, yeah, you, Mr. Ghost. I know you’re back listening to me and I will continue to point you out until everyone else sees you, too. Arg grrr ar gggg.

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Filed under debate, democrats, GOp, Humor, Uncategorized

Breakdown of the Democratic Debate

The good ‘ole Donkey Debate. Bring on the blue!

Let’s just begin by saying this debate started off a bit slower than the Republican debate. However, these candidates are collectively about 450 years old, you need to remember. With that, it just means some good old fashion bickering is expected!

Bernie forgetting where he was in his sentence while simultaneously yelling his strong beliefs. Hillary staying sassy and not backing down from a good verbal fight (on guard!). O’Malley trying to prove he deserves to be there. Webb may be in the wrong place. And whoever that last guy is needs some love and attention, too.

First of all, WHERE IS JOE BIDEN…….

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“Uhhhh…I was supposed to be where?”

Second, Lincoln Chafee looks like a kid who just got told Santa really does exist.

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 30: Lincoln Chafee visits FOX Business Network at FOX Studios on September 30, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Rob Kim/Getty Images) ORG XMIT: 582326837 ORIG FILE ID: 490713554

Photo by Rob Kim/Getty Images) ORG XMIT: 582326837 ORIG FILE ID: 490713554

“Yay I’m so happy to be here! What did I sign up for, again?”

Third, Jim Webb is only there because CNN realized they needed someone to fill the empty podium left for Biden

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“I’d like a turn to speak please…..” [an hour into the debate]

Fourth, Hillary Clinton has got her sass out and wearing it proudly.

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“Do you have a comment [about the Benghazi emails], Mrs. Clinton?”   “No.”

Fifth, Bernie reminds me of being yelled at by my grandpa. I feel like I really have to agree with him; just nod yes!

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“FREE TUITION COLLEGES!” “MIDDLE CLASS TAKEOVERS” – Sir, yes sir! #fistpump

Lastly, Martin O’Malley……I do deserve to be here.

Martin O'Malley, former governor of Maryland and 2016 Democratic presidential candidate, speaks at the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute conference in Washington, D.C., U.S., on Wednesday, Oct. 7, 2015. While next Tuesday's first Democratic presidential debate will probably lack the name-calling and sharp jabs of the Republican face-offs, there's still potential for strong disagreements between the party's leading contenders. Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

“Please remember my name. Also, I want to fight Hillary a little”

Oh, there are other moderators than just Anderson Cooper?

blog7

No.

xOx

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Filed under debate, democratic debate, democratic debate 2015, democrats, politics

Iowa State Fair Shenanigans 2015

The Iowa State Fair: full of happy kids, smiling faces, fun fair rides, and of course, presidential hopefuls. Apparently this is a presidential must-do. It is the last bit of fun the politicians can have before they need to get down and dirty. Here are a few of the best photos from Getty Images’ coverage of the fair. Iowa is huge for candidates, since it is where the first caucuses occur. It is a big win for any candidate and this has been proven true in the past. This is a big state, with big wins, and big food.

So, if you are not too educated on the beautiful collection of people hoping to run our country, here is a casual sneak peek. Grab those turkey legs and funnel cakes, sit back, and be ready to laugh. And not in the good way, laugh in fear of our future.

Ben Carson is so giddy; he’s like a lactose intolerant kid sneaking that prized slice of pizza before his mom finds out. Good news is that Mr. Carson does not use a fork and knife for his pizza. Look at that poor guy behind Benny-boy, biting his fingers and drooling over just a corner of that slice of cheesy deliciousness.

 Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Bernie Sanders, here. He is totally ignoring the food and rides and deciding to just sweat it out. Maybe he is trying to fit in with the cool-kids and show off his no-fear toward working out. Maybe it is to prove that he can sweat out any filibuster on Congress’ floor or sweat out any debate. I sure hope that is water in the cup he is drinking from and not some of that Kool-Aid the kids drink these days.

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Donald Trump just does not even care about the fact that he is at a fair. Full suit and a baseball cap is his casual wear. Throwing up the peace sign for all his young fans out there, like he’s posing for his own Instagram photo. Peace to everyone, including women…except those who are “fat pigs”, no peace for you (Trump quote).

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Hillary Clinton is the mother of the candidates, who cannot believe she is about to break her diet for this pork chop. “Smile and act like you’re having fun, Hillary, but OH MY GOD this is 1000 calories” *awkward laugh*. Poor Mrs. Clinton, all she wants is some voters’ love and not get bigger hips. #femalecandidateprobz

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Jeb Bush chowing down so sternly just so the American people can see how serious his campaign is going to be. No jokes here. No silly business. Just me and this good ‘ole pork chop thing. “This is how I’ll eat, as your next president, America. Serious, dry, and lacking emotion. Just how you like your politics.”

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

And meet this gentleman, the next candidate running for president. Points for the casual-wear and variety in food-choice.

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(photo from Getty Images)

And that’s all, folks.

xOx

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