Tag Archives: election

Finally the End Begins – Iowa

Tonight marks the start of the beginning of the end. The Iowa Caucus has begun and that means we are finally beginning the journey to the end of this political chaos.

We all know what the candidates say on the outside; the lies and blasphemy they blurt to appease the largest group of people. But what are they really thinking? Wouldn’t it be good to know what’s going on inside? Let’s take a look at the candidates from their campaigning shenanigans this past week and see what they are actually thinking:

Hillary Clinton is really thinking: Did someone remember to put that stupid Iowa flag up? I’ve gotten really suck up to these Iowians…is that a word? Note to self: have my assistant look that up later… “Um what did you ask, again?”

 

Trump is really thinking: Mhmm, yes, yes, this is going to look GREAT to all those Evangelists. I hope someone is taking a photo of this moment. Let me purse my lips to make it look like I am actually feeling His presence. Jokes on you, Christians! 

Rubio is actually thinking: I hope no one notices me sweating. Please don’t notice, please don’t notice, please don’t…. Oh no, these spotlights are not working for me, are they?

 

Paul is actually thinking: I believe… I believe that….I believe that I can win, I believe that I can win….c’mon Rand, you got this, eyes on the prize, stand strong, you’ve got this. Best. Pep-talk. Ever.

 

Santorum is actually thinking: Ha ha ha, check it out errrrybody. Nobody knows that I pretended this was Trump while I shot. Slayed him.

 

Kasich is really thinking: Nailed that fist bump. Did anyone see that? I crushed it with a millennial. GO JOHN GO.

 

Cruz is actually think: Hehe that is tickling my ear. And that’s all he’s got going up top.  

Bush is thinking: I’m actually talking to an empty room. Luckily no one really watches me to know that, though.

O’Malley, poor guy, is thinking: This about sums it up. Only my fist makes it in focus for the photo.

Fiorina is thinking: Are the lights on? Did they not realize that I’m the guest speaker? I’m just going to keep talking straight into the souls of my audience.

 

Christie is actually thinking: Did they have to put a mirror right there? I already have two chins, now I have four thanks to those jerks…… MIRRORS ARE THE DEMISE OF SOCIETY AND THEY WILL KILL US SOMEDAY IF NO ACTION IS TAKEN.  

And, lastly, Sanders is thinking: Hey you over there, yeah, you, Mr. Ghost. I know you’re back listening to me and I will continue to point you out until everyone else sees you, too. Arg grrr ar gggg.

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Filed under debate, democrats, GOp, Humor, Uncategorized

GOP Debate Round 3

Have you stopped choking on your food yet?

This debate makes eating really hard. It also makes for a night involving a lot of “do you need some ice for that burn” moments and that little fire emoji. #ohsnap

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Adversarial doesn’t even begin to characterize this debate. Buckle up! It’s a loud ride tonight.

1. First of all, how about that answer Ted Cruz gave about the debt ceiling? How insightful and knowledgeable! I learned so much about his hate for the media, so of course I have to vote for him to handle our country’s financials!

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2. Then, we learned how Jeb and Marco really don’t have a bromance going on. Bush thinks Rubio needs to step up or step down (also the next Step Up movie subtitle) #haters

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3. I just can’t look at Trump without seeing an emoji. At least he’s a great spokesman for why to not do Botox; I’ve never seen eyebrows shot so far up someone’s forehead before.

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Donald Trump arrives to his Comedy Central Roast in New York, Wednesday, March 9, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Sykes)

Donald Trump arrives to his Comedy Central Roast in New York, Wednesday, March 9, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Sykes)

4. The Republican candidates LOVE the media. I mean, wow. The love is real and real deep. Cruz spent so much time talking about his hate for the media that even the media started hating themselves….. for letting him talk at all….

5. Trump doesn’t lie. All the articles that have ever been written about him are wrong. “I don’t know who’s doing the fact-checking here” said Trump….no one can figure out what side of an argument you’re going to take next, sir.

6. Wait, Mike Huckabee is still in this race? Hmm…okay.

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7. The fight for time to speak by candidates is like when children fight for the swings at recess. “It’s MY TURN!”

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8. The candidates are keeping such close tabs on each others’ time to speak that when it’s their turn to talk they forget what they stand for. They actually forget to talk about anything except how they didn’t get enough time. The last guy who complained about that didn’t have the best ending….Mr. Webb #LostTribute

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9. WAIT, CHRIS CHRISTIE IS STILL HERE? He just started talking….and it’s been an hour into the debate. I just choked (again) when his slight lisp piped up. Welcome to the debate!

10. You know who Huckabee is voting for! (Hint: It’s the orange candidate with a permanent wind-blown face)

11. Christie doesn’t like Fantasy Football talk….he just lost the votes of all males from the age 25 – 45 #sorrynotsorry

Cheers to our future!

xOx

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Filed under CNBC, debate, GOp, GOP Debate, politics, presidential election

Iowa State Fair Shenanigans 2015

The Iowa State Fair: full of happy kids, smiling faces, fun fair rides, and of course, presidential hopefuls. Apparently this is a presidential must-do. It is the last bit of fun the politicians can have before they need to get down and dirty. Here are a few of the best photos from Getty Images’ coverage of the fair. Iowa is huge for candidates, since it is where the first caucuses occur. It is a big win for any candidate and this has been proven true in the past. This is a big state, with big wins, and big food.

So, if you are not too educated on the beautiful collection of people hoping to run our country, here is a casual sneak peek. Grab those turkey legs and funnel cakes, sit back, and be ready to laugh. And not in the good way, laugh in fear of our future.

Ben Carson is so giddy; he’s like a lactose intolerant kid sneaking that prized slice of pizza before his mom finds out. Good news is that Mr. Carson does not use a fork and knife for his pizza. Look at that poor guy behind Benny-boy, biting his fingers and drooling over just a corner of that slice of cheesy deliciousness.

 Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Bernie Sanders, here. He is totally ignoring the food and rides and deciding to just sweat it out. Maybe he is trying to fit in with the cool-kids and show off his no-fear toward working out. Maybe it is to prove that he can sweat out any filibuster on Congress’ floor or sweat out any debate. I sure hope that is water in the cup he is drinking from and not some of that Kool-Aid the kids drink these days.

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Donald Trump just does not even care about the fact that he is at a fair. Full suit and a baseball cap is his casual wear. Throwing up the peace sign for all his young fans out there, like he’s posing for his own Instagram photo. Peace to everyone, including women…except those who are “fat pigs”, no peace for you (Trump quote).

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Hillary Clinton is the mother of the candidates, who cannot believe she is about to break her diet for this pork chop. “Smile and act like you’re having fun, Hillary, but OH MY GOD this is 1000 calories” *awkward laugh*. Poor Mrs. Clinton, all she wants is some voters’ love and not get bigger hips. #femalecandidateprobz

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Jeb Bush chowing down so sternly just so the American people can see how serious his campaign is going to be. No jokes here. No silly business. Just me and this good ‘ole pork chop thing. “This is how I’ll eat, as your next president, America. Serious, dry, and lacking emotion. Just how you like your politics.”

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

And meet this gentleman, the next candidate running for president. Points for the casual-wear and variety in food-choice.

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(photo from Getty Images)

And that’s all, folks.

xOx

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