We all know what this time of year means: time to get FAT. We aren’t even shameful about it. We know it’s coming, and we have totally accepted it. As we approach the last week until doomsday, we have to mentally, physically, and emotionally prepare ourselves for Thanksgiving dinner.
Phase One: Stretching
….because we all know that eating such massive amounts of food requires agile bodies.
Phase Two: Practice the Stare Down
…because grandma doesn’t stand a chance, and you will get that last scoop of stuffing.
Phase Three: Mind Games
….because like they always say “mind over matter” and you can’t gain weight if your mind isn’t in it.
Phase Four: House Prep
…because all the mirrors need to be covered and scales tucked far, far away.
Phase Five: Social Media Cleanse
…because we need to post all our skinny photos now and just hide from Instagram and Facebook for the next couple weeks after gorging on turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and miscellaneous carbs.
So last time I checked, November comes after October….not December.
I get Christmas is exciting, decorating a giant tree with strings of popcorn, greedily awaiting your presents, selectively recalling the actual meaning of the holiday, and eating the cookies you set out for a man, who will never appear (sorry to have to tell you that). But why does that mean Thanksgiving should be tossed aside and forgotten, like that gift grandma got you?
It is said the original Thanksgiving may not have been as happy as we would like to portray it, but its representation is real and something to keep alive. It’s a day that reminds us what we need to be thankful for. It’s a day to test our patience. It’s a day to ruin our dieting plans.
What’s better than gorging on massive amounts of carbs and turkey? I mean, who really needs to go on a diet? This ONE day won’t make you explode. It will make your pants explode right off you, but you won’t be harmed…much.
You are killing the soul of many out in the world, who actually look forward to Thanksgiving, by just skipping right over it like you skip over the salad portion of the meal. You are the reason my soul is crushed. Plus you’re apparently killing reindeer, too.
So this is a call to action to remember the fallen turkeys. Remember the lost holidays that Hallmark didn’t create.
Bring back Thanksgiving at full force!