Tag Archives: memes

What We Really Want for Christmas

It’s that time of year again that requires you to buy everyone, who you’ve ever crossed paths with, a gift. And your family repeatedly asks for what you want as a present.

The truth is, what we really actually want, no one can buy for us.

 

1. Calorie-less food that doesn’t taste like vegetables

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2. Money (like a lot)

However, it's hard when everything costs your soul and more.

 

3. A job that doesn’t suck…well, maybe just a job will work

How hard it's going to be for me to find a job after I leave my present one.lol,my town has no need for art majors:

 

4. A re-do on the whole election thing

Follow✭ @badgalronnie ✭:

 

5. The ability to be socially chill around our crushes

↞ real eyes, realize, real lies ↠:

 

6. The chance to erase our middle school years

Wow. That looks....um...nice on you ostrich!:

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T-Minus 31 Days…

…to panic because 2016 will soon be over. Holy failed bucket list for the second decade in a row. How is it that 11 months can go by so quickly? And how is it that I am such a procrastinator? [I planned on writing this days ago and look what I’m doing now]

 

Every year we make the Great List of To Dos and every year we get maybe two marked off, which are typically the “go to gym” (went twice this year #crushedit) and “save money” (got enough stars at Starbucks for a free drink #doublecrushedit). But, everything else still has yet to be crossed out as per usual.

 

My question is: why do we set such high standards for ourselves? Here are a few reasons why we don’t get things marked off our bucket list:

 

1. We’re poor

Funny Pictures Of The Day - 28 Pics:

 

2. We truly have zero motivation

Haha, how about in shape for any time of year.:

 

3. It takes too much time to plan things

I don't think so!! grumpy cat memes - Cat memes - kitty cat humor funny joke…                                                                                                                                                                                 More:

 

4. “Find a Significant Other” never counts

Las Vegas Funny Images (01:40:04 PM, Sunday 04, September 2016 PDT) – 80 pics:

 

5. We don’t write down realistic things

Cooking food for themselves. | 19 Things All Lazy People Don't Have Time For:

6. We aren’t honest with ourselves

On my to- do list!  Hahaha:

 

Until next time, 

xOx

 

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The ABCs of the Election

26 thoughts we all really have about this election.

 

A – Alright, alright, alright let’s finish this thing already – The Great Matthew McConaughey

 

B – “Bad Hombres “the next phrase to be bleeped from TV  

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C – Can I like fall asleep for the next 24 hours?

D – Dumbledore for Prez 2016 

E – Election Season is equivalent to stabbing your ears over and over

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F – { f-word goes here }

G – GO VOTE

H – Hillary or Kate McKinnon? Both!

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I – I just can’t talk to people anymore

J – Judging the debates was like TurnItIn.com checking your last minute paper = 90% plagiarized  

K – Knope for Prez 2016

L – LOL

M – My god, how many crazy people do we have living in the U.S.? Millions, apparently

N – Nasty women

O – Obama and Biden’s bromance will be greatly missed

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P – President = the Face of America, not the Carrot with a Dead Thing on His Head of America

Q – “Quit while you’re ahead” is the only piece of advice Trump should have taken

R – Racism because society was trying to be better, and then a candidate had support from the KKK at one point

S – Shut up, stop saying racist/sexist/inaccurate things, stop trying to convince me to vote for someone, stop talking

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T – Trump being a thing is still a prank, right? Good one

U – Ugly women are safe from Trump, thank God for bad genes

V – “Voted” sticker pics all over your social media

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W – Write in a stupid name as a joke and you’re dead to me

X – X the box of your ballot instead of fully coloring it in like the tiny diagram says to and you’re also dead to me

Y – Yes, we can!…Get together and cry after the election

Image result for election ballot meme
Z – Zoos have less BS than this election  

Image result for poop emoji

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Things That Were Before Trump2016 Was 

Life used to be different, the crazy was hidden and people were manageable. But that all changed when the 2016 election started. Remember the good ‘ol days of 2014? Ah, such peace of mind and innocence. Here are 9 things that weren’t things before Trump 2016 was a thing:

  

1.  My mom always told me not to judge a book by its cover, but then someone in a Trump t-shirt walked by and she said forget anything I ever told you                            
2. Asia used to have a country called ‘China’, but now there is only ‘Jina’ and many illiterate children                                                           
3. People used to support POWs and veterans with PTSD, but now people support a candidate that says “it’s a POWs fault for getting caught” and “veterans with PTSD just couldn’t handle it” #notokay            
4. The crazies were hidden among us and naiviety was great, but now the crazies are making themselves known                                                                                        
5. Men use to wear toupées, but now they wear bleached dead animals on their heads                                 
6. Fencing companies used to be an actual business, but now there is only one man for that job: “nobody builds walls better than me”                                                                            
7. The election used to be a serious race between two qualified candidates, but now it’s a reality TV show where people text their votes in                                                          
8. It used to just be ‘body shaming’, but now it’s female-shaming                                                       
9. We used to be a melting pot society, but now we are Germany…in the 1930s…   
  
  
And in case you missed it, check out Alec Baldwin from SNL’s opening skit this past weekend! 
Until next time, 

xOx

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Types of: Coworkers

As we begin our life in the workforce, we realize that every job has the same people. Well, maybe not the same looking people but the same types of people. So, the real question is where do you fit in this group of misfits?

 

  1. The Cookie Monster

This person goes around to everyone’s office and takes whatever sweets, candies, or snacks they can find. You think they are coming into your office (or cubicle) to say hi, but really they just want a piece of candy that’s sitting on your desk. This person even goes into offices after people leave to grab some sweets. You garbage disposal, you.

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  1. The Pushover

This person goes above and beyond to make sure everyone is happy, from replenishing the coffee to make copies of stuff for you, to organizing and reorganizing the entire office every other day. You need to take like just one chill pill, man.

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  1. The Therapee

This person talks to everyone about everything because they obviously don’t get enough attention at home from their spouse or their cat. Either way, they treat everyone like a therapist, and it’s so stressful. I CAN’T HELP YOU WITH YOUR COOKING FAIL AT YOUR IN-LAWS LAST NIGHT, SARAH.

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  1. The Confucius

Unlike the actual Confucius, this person has literally no idea what’s going on in life. Sometimes they even make you wonder if they know they work here. They walk around asking everyone else what to do or how to work something. This may even be the upper-level employees. How do you still not know how the coffee dispenser works?!

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  1. The Juggler

This is the person that has just WAY too much to do. They are barely in the office and when they are, they don’t have time to talk to anyone unless you literally trip them in the hallway to talk for the few seconds it takes them to stand back up. Usually, it’s the bosses or the VPs because they have a million meetings to attend, but chances are that they have no idea what the meetings are about…even after they leave.

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  1. The Millennial

This person is constantly on their phone or social media accounts. Every time you walk by they are on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest…or even blogging…  Anyway, no matter the age or if they are actually a millennial, this person can’t stop socializing online. Hopefully, they also have a job in social media marketing or something similar so that they can cover up their addiction and not get fired their second day.

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  1. The Mom

This person is the one who would bring in pastries on Mondays and remember people’s birthdays so there was a cake for them. It’s more than likely a female only because most men can barely remember their own birthdays, so let’s just be sexist for this one. Anyway, this is the person you want to be friends with right away because they’ll probably tell you first that there’s free food in the conference room.

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Comment below which is you!

Until next time,

xOx

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#NationalBestFriendDay Post-Grad Style

The idea of our “best friend” has evolved as awkwardly as we have since childhood: there are many phases of best friends and many types of BFFs. Some stay with us since childhood and others we are lucky enough to pick up along the way.

We have gone from the best friend, who we played make-believe games with as toddlers.

To the BBFLs in elementary school, who we tried new sports with and pretended we were “big kids.”

To the best friends in middle school, who we mutually helped get through the inexplicable awkwardness of 6th-8th grade.

To the best friends in high school, who we acted like pure fools with and thought we could handle a lot more than we actually could.

To the sistas (or bros) in college, who we cried in front of, who knew our secrets, who tested our limits, and who struggled hard with us.

To the current besties in our post-grad life. They are a special kind of best friend. There are different life experiences to explore, different stories to tell, different problems to tackle.

Here are the types of best-friend-moments you will have in your post grad, adult-like life:

 

1. “Going Out” means going out the door (only slightly) to get the pizza delivery 

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2. “Girls Nights” are more like laying on the couch (or floor) and just complaining 

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3. “Shopping Days” are when you run into each other at the grocery store and can both only afford a maximum of 6 items

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4. “Movie Nights” are Netflix marathons that turn into weekend-long endeavors 

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5. “Drinks Night” consist of getting all dressed and ready, only to realize it’s already 9:30pm and close to bedtime, so you stay in and drink cheap wine from a bag instead

lol5

 

6. “Adventures” are more like finding a new, trendy place to eat that is all over social media and pretending you are “cool” or whatever that is these days

lol6

 

7. “Gossip” is more like pulling up the Facebook accounts of old high school peers and either 1)laughing until you snort or 2) punching the computer screen 

lol7

 

8. “Laughing-fits” are when you both realize that you have nothing going for you LOLOLololo…. 

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9. Text conversations are just sending each other memes about your day or sending Buzzfeed posts that are scarily-accurate of your current struggles

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10. Birthdays are more like a set actual nights out that you force each other to do 

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So happy National Best Friends Day 2016, you poor kids!

xOx

 

 

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Why I actually need a boyfriend 

It is almost Valentine’s Day everyone, and we all know what that means: a day of constant reminders that we are in fact still single. Looking at all of the cute couples posting photos of their nice dinners out, flowers, champagne glasses, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, etc., I actually only think of the practical reasons I would need a significant other. 

I mean I can buy myself a whole bottle of champagne. My mom gets me chocolates. And my dad can send me flowers….if I ask him….and then remind him again….and then again. But still, I don’t need a man for all of that. 

I don’t need a guy for anything romantic. 

Not to tell me I’m beautiful because I am…on the inside. 

Not to hold my hand because I tend to not see cracks in the sidewalk and don’t need to take both of us down. 

Not to buy me chocolates because those are always on my weekly grocery list. 

Not to watch movies with because I get way too invested in the characters and get emotional…no one needs to see me like that. 
However, what I do need a boyfriend for is…

To pay for my meals  

To kill bugs for me 
  


To clip my jewelry together

   

To pay for my Netflix subscription

  


To remind me to pay my bills 

  


To drive my places

  

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#OscarForLeo

Today is the day!

We all know it is time for the beautiful gowns on abnormally gorgeous women, and men in tuxes that actually fit their bodies absolutely perfectly, unlike those awful tuxes you were exposed to at your high school prom.
Gems and diamonds just dripping off of everyone and designer names being thrown around as often as the word “fries” is screamed at McDonald’s.

But this year, the Oscars is going to be a different kind of special.

For this is the year that all of his hard work is going to be awarded.

This is the year that everyone in the world can stand on their feet and salute the winner of Best Actor.

This is Leo’s year. Why should he win Best Actor?

1. Obviously, his role as Mr. Hugh Glass in The Revenant  and surviving a bear attak

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2. He was robbed in 2013 by Matthew McConaughey

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3. As he was robbed of the award in 2004 and 2006 (we won’t mention those names)

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4. He is as worthy as previous winners such as Colin Firth, Denzel Washington, Daniel Day-Lewis, Russell Crowe, Kevin Spacey, and many other great actors.

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5. He has crushed every role he has undertaken (Wolf of Wall Street, Great Gatsby, Inception, Shutter Island, Blood Diamond…the list goes on, unlike the list of his Oscar wins….)

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6. He is so good that he even has made you hate his guts at times (cough, cough…Django)

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7. He was never properly awarded for not trying to get on that wooden plank and basically killing himself in Titanic

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8. Lastly, he is single so please let Oscar comfort him late at night at least, Academy!

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I’d like to take credit now for making #OscarforLeo a trending hashtag, so you’re welcome.

 

xOx

 

 

 

 

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I’m Done With: Eating

On to my second segment of things I’m Done With: first, driving in Florida, and now I’m done with eating.

Not only do the holidays mean all of your money being spent, it also means all of your diet plans are out of the window. As much as you tell yourself that you will be good this year, it never happens and don’t lie to yourself. So because of that, I’m done eating …. completely.

1. I’m about to explode

Every time someone mentions it’s lunch or dinner, I just want to explode from the inside out. I’m literally on the verge of erupting at any moment. Don’t you dare try to tickle me or else mashed potatoes will spew from from my eyeballs.

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2. I hate myself

For all of you who said you ate healthy for the holidays: you are a liar and will never make it to heaven with that attitude. There is no way a person could eat healthy for the holidays or else they are not living properly. But, because I ate my holiday dinner like a normal person, I completely hate myself. I have covered all my mirrors so I don’t have to look at my shameful self. Bad self.

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3. Leftovers have a special meaning

It is not just like your typical, weekly chicken-n-rice leftovers that barely pass as edible; holiday dinner leftovers are round two [or round three for some]. It is another entire feast for the day after you gorged on food. I just want one pathetic, stingy plate of food when it’s the acceptable time to eat.

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4. I broke my own trust

I thought I could handle all of the sweets around me. I thought I had control. I thought I could stop. I thought I could say no. I thought I was stronger than that. But lo and behold, I am weak. What’s wrong with stuffing a dessert in my mouth while everyone opens presents, while we cook dinner, between every course of the meal, and after the meal?

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5. Everything is boring now

After indulging in holiday goodness, it is hard to get back to reality and even harder to get back to realistic meals….like ramen noodles and cereal. All my hopes of delicious eating have been fulfilled and were even over-satisfied, but now it is time to get back to boring meals and flavorless dishes made from the scraps in the fridge or cupboard.

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And on that note, I’m going to go finish off that tin of holiday cookies that has been calling my name as I write this post….

 

xOx

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I’m Done With: Driving (in FL)

Florida’s driving experience in one sentence:  Driving across a bridge for days next to a million-year-old person from ‘up North’ and running over construction cones. Welcome to the Sunshine state.

One, OLD PEOPLE.

Not only do they drive slowly, but they drive erratically. But that’s probably because they are sitting so far up in their seat that their forehead touches the windshield. One cannot properly drive if his or her chest is caved into the steering wheel. Also, old people are so short that you never know if someone is actually in the driver’s seat or not….”Maybe it’s one of those new driver-less cars!……oh no, just a hundred-year-old man again.” #disappointed

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Second, SNOWBIRDS

What’s worse than old people all over the roadways? Snowbirds. They are old people from out of town, which means they cannot drive by default plus have an out-of-town handicap. let me define snowbirds for you: people who want to escape the cold but clog up our roads and create severe rage among Floridians. When the sign says 45MPH, it means 50MPH is the socially acceptable speed, 45MPH is the you-must-have-just-gotten-a-ticket speed, 40MPH is you’re-testing-my-patience-speed and anything else means you need to get off of the road right this second. Snowbirds always go 10MPH under the limit. Plus their sense of proper driving must completely escape their brain once they depart from their home state. Stopping traffic so you can move over 4 lanes for a right turn coming up in 2 miles IS NOT OKAY.

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Third, CONSTRUCTION

It never ends. Probably because our state never ends. But still, once you think you’ve made it to a clearing in traffic, WHAM. It is all a cruel game the government plays with you. One moment you are cruising, peacefully above the speed limit, and then within seconds you have to completely stop and merge three lanes into one. And people wonder why one of Florida’s cities is at the top of the country’s road rage list (cough, cough Miami).

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Fourth, WEATHER

Honestly, cars in Florida should be half boats. See when it rains, it pours. Flooding is a given between the months of June and September. But Floridians don’t stop for rain, hail, hurricanes, or anything. We’ve been through it all and nothing phases us. But what it does phase is our cars. You’d think we would learn that we stall out when the rain is up to the top of our windshields, but nope. Every time there is a wave of rain, there are a bunch of cars making their final trip to the junk yard. RIP grandma’s Lincoln Town car.

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Lastly, BRIDGES

Florida has many long bridges because nothing is connected here. We have bodies of water everywhere, so it is nothing new to be crossing a bridge for over 15 minutes. Literally, you take a bridge from some places just to get to a grocery store or a gas station. Those warnings to check your gas tank levels are all too real. Who even remembers they need gas for their car? Well, you remember when you’re on a bridge for more than 10 miles.

 

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So if you plan to visit Florida, be prepared to test your driving limits. And if you live in Florida, I’m so sorry for having no patience left anymore.

– God speed and good luck –

xOx

 

 

 

 

 

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