Tag Archives: millennial humor

A Sarcastic Letter to Young “Adults”

Dear young “adults”,

Feel like a whole lot is happening all at once? Is life starting to become bi-polar? Are you starting to get dizzy from all of the changes?

Good because that’s when you start really experiencing life.

Things happen: old friends disappear and new friends appear, jobs come and go, interests peak and die out.

Cue CIRCLE OF LIFE.

As cheesy as it sounds, it’s so totally and completely true. I mean, A LOT happens in your twenties. Big things. Many people in their 30s say that’s the important decade, or people in their 40s believe that’s when true realization hits.

But… you have to get through your twenties to make it to those other “so totally cool” decades in life.

What could possibly happen after undergrad, you ask?

1. Friends will leave you [literally & figuratively]

The majority of your friends will move away and slowly (or drastically if you’re super unlucky) stop texting. Or your friends will be geographically nearby but will emotionally check out. Why? They find a significant other, they get married, they have kids, or they just drift out of the picture on their own.

What to do: Remember, you found those friends at some point, so you can find new ones – stop being lazy.

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2. You will have a ton of internal conflicts

Some include but are not limited to: eating healthy and eating anything with cheese, bread or sugar; talk to this guy (or girl) who is no good for you or ignore them to prove a point; spend your money on self-pity gifts or save for future self-pity gifts; find whatever job you can to get money or search for your dream job; etc.

What to do: Accept that you won’t sleep for a few years.

3. You could potentially move back home

Yay, you’re officially a kid again, needing parental support. Hey, you can’t help it though! Society hasn’t really prepped you for the moments right after undergrad. Very few have their ducks in a row. Most twenty-somethings don’t even have all their ducks present, not to mention the weird grouping they’re in instead of a line. Sometimes you just have to go back to the drawing board – aka your childhood bedroom – and figure things out.

What to do: Remember how you sneaked out of your window when you were sixteen.

4. You could totally change career paths

Undergrad was so fun and you worked your butt off – maybe. But now you’re done with that and need to figure out what you can do with that super unique, narrow-fielded degree you chose. You definitely run into trouble when there are no jobs open in that field, which chances are there won’t be any jobs open.

What to do: Panic, and then realize you can go back to school or learn a new skill or apply and pray someone will take pity on your soul.

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5. You will be single at some point

Not to be totally pessimistic, but there is a high probability that you won’t be in a relationship for your entire twenties. So, buckle up and get over it. Being single doesn’t isn’t bad, so don’t sulk over it. And just know that you aren’t completely alone – there are tons of singles out there mulling around like The Walking Dead extras.

What to do: Do what you want when you want; be selfish…and a little bitchy, too
6. You will probably move a lot

First, you usually move away from college after graduation – there’s one. And sometimes you have to move back home. Then you move out closer to your job – that’s two. Some people even move in with their SOs – that’s three….and some break up and have to move out again – that’s four.

What to do: Save your boxes!

So, you see? It’s not all bad! I mean, it could be if you let it get you down, but just remember to turn that sarcasm dial up real high and smirk your way through your twenty-somethings.

Cheers!

xOx

Original post found on my website: http://www.shaylaokeeffe.com/blog

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What NOT to Say to 20-Somethings

We get it. We should have more of our life put together. We know “at my age I was working full-time and raising a family already,” mom. And we know “at my age I had ten kids already and a house to take care of,” grandma. But guess what? It’s not the 1900s anymore, so society tells us we don’t need to be doing that right now!

Some things are just out of our control, though. I mean, we can’t help that there are too many people on this planet. We can’t help that since Social Security sucks so much, more old people are staying in the workforce. We can’t help that there are a million college degrees to chose from and no one helps us choose a practical one. We can’t help that money doesn’t grow on trees.

There are seven things that you just really shouldn’t tell (or ask) a 20-something, in general:

1.”You should find a company that offers good benefits to its employees.”

What’s wrong: First, finding ANY job would be a good start. And second, DUH, of course we need benefits; as much as the Airborne commercials claim, it won’t save you from much…like your failing vision or alcoholism.

 

2. “When do you think you’ll settle down?”

What’s wrong: First, “settling down” requires a place to settle down like a home, which we cannot afford. Second, why is THAT the first thing family asks us? If I knew, I’d have a ring on my finger, now wouldn’t I?

 

3. “You really shouldn’t drink so much.”

What’s wrong: For starters, we didn’t ask you. Also, if vino is BOGO, I’m buying-o.

 

4. “You should start a savings account.”

What’s wrong: One, no, I actually like to play this fun game where I use up all my money to the last penny each month. Two, to open an account you need money…and to get money you need a job…and to get a job you need experience…and to get experience you need a job…

 

5. “Just apply everywhere! Someone has to be hiring!”

What’s wrong: First, I, along with a million other recent grads are all applying simultaneously. Second, applying everywhere isn’t exactly effective because I can’t afford to live everywhere.

 

6. “Do you just sit around all day?”

What’s wrong: First, you’re assuming I sit – in fact, I lay down. Second, applying for jobs is a full-time position in itself: checking all the hiring websites each day, reading about the new position, writing a cover letter to match that position, uploading your resume only to find you STILL have to manually input all the info on the application, submitting the application, and then repeating.

 

7. “This is the time for you to find your passions.”

Although somewhat true, what’s wrong: First, you say that but you also expect us to start working ASAP. Second, you say that but you also tell us to realistically reign in our dreams and hopes.

If anything, just don’t offer us any advice because as millennials, we know everything already and are happily ignoring the truth. Thanks, bai.

xOx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Types of: Coworkers

As we begin our life in the workforce, we realize that every job has the same people. Well, maybe not the same looking people but the same types of people. So, the real question is where do you fit in this group of misfits?

 

  1. The Cookie Monster

This person goes around to everyone’s office and takes whatever sweets, candies, or snacks they can find. You think they are coming into your office (or cubicle) to say hi, but really they just want a piece of candy that’s sitting on your desk. This person even goes into offices after people leave to grab some sweets. You garbage disposal, you.

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  1. The Pushover

This person goes above and beyond to make sure everyone is happy, from replenishing the coffee to make copies of stuff for you, to organizing and reorganizing the entire office every other day. You need to take like just one chill pill, man.

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  1. The Therapee

This person talks to everyone about everything because they obviously don’t get enough attention at home from their spouse or their cat. Either way, they treat everyone like a therapist, and it’s so stressful. I CAN’T HELP YOU WITH YOUR COOKING FAIL AT YOUR IN-LAWS LAST NIGHT, SARAH.

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  1. The Confucius

Unlike the actual Confucius, this person has literally no idea what’s going on in life. Sometimes they even make you wonder if they know they work here. They walk around asking everyone else what to do or how to work something. This may even be the upper-level employees. How do you still not know how the coffee dispenser works?!

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  1. The Juggler

This is the person that has just WAY too much to do. They are barely in the office and when they are, they don’t have time to talk to anyone unless you literally trip them in the hallway to talk for the few seconds it takes them to stand back up. Usually, it’s the bosses or the VPs because they have a million meetings to attend, but chances are that they have no idea what the meetings are about…even after they leave.

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  1. The Millennial

This person is constantly on their phone or social media accounts. Every time you walk by they are on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest…or even blogging…  Anyway, no matter the age or if they are actually a millennial, this person can’t stop socializing online. Hopefully, they also have a job in social media marketing or something similar so that they can cover up their addiction and not get fired their second day.

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  1. The Mom

This person is the one who would bring in pastries on Mondays and remember people’s birthdays so there was a cake for them. It’s more than likely a female only because most men can barely remember their own birthdays, so let’s just be sexist for this one. Anyway, this is the person you want to be friends with right away because they’ll probably tell you first that there’s free food in the conference room.

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Comment below which is you!

Until next time,

xOx

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