Tag Archives: post grad life

A Sarcastic Letter to Young “Adults”

Dear young “adults”,

Feel like a whole lot is happening all at once? Is life starting to become bi-polar? Are you starting to get dizzy from all of the changes?

Good because that’s when you start really experiencing life.

Things happen: old friends disappear and new friends appear, jobs come and go, interests peak and die out.

Cue CIRCLE OF LIFE.

As cheesy as it sounds, it’s so totally and completely true. I mean, A LOT happens in your twenties. Big things. Many people in their 30s say that’s the important decade, or people in their 40s believe that’s when true realization hits.

But… you have to get through your twenties to make it to those other “so totally cool” decades in life.

What could possibly happen after undergrad, you ask?

1. Friends will leave you [literally & figuratively]

The majority of your friends will move away and slowly (or drastically if you’re super unlucky) stop texting. Or your friends will be geographically nearby but will emotionally check out. Why? They find a significant other, they get married, they have kids, or they just drift out of the picture on their own.

What to do: Remember, you found those friends at some point, so you can find new ones – stop being lazy.

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2. You will have a ton of internal conflicts

Some include but are not limited to: eating healthy and eating anything with cheese, bread or sugar; talk to this guy (or girl) who is no good for you or ignore them to prove a point; spend your money on self-pity gifts or save for future self-pity gifts; find whatever job you can to get money or search for your dream job; etc.

What to do: Accept that you won’t sleep for a few years.

3. You could potentially move back home

Yay, you’re officially a kid again, needing parental support. Hey, you can’t help it though! Society hasn’t really prepped you for the moments right after undergrad. Very few have their ducks in a row. Most twenty-somethings don’t even have all their ducks present, not to mention the weird grouping they’re in instead of a line. Sometimes you just have to go back to the drawing board – aka your childhood bedroom – and figure things out.

What to do: Remember how you sneaked out of your window when you were sixteen.

4. You could totally change career paths

Undergrad was so fun and you worked your butt off – maybe. But now you’re done with that and need to figure out what you can do with that super unique, narrow-fielded degree you chose. You definitely run into trouble when there are no jobs open in that field, which chances are there won’t be any jobs open.

What to do: Panic, and then realize you can go back to school or learn a new skill or apply and pray someone will take pity on your soul.

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5. You will be single at some point

Not to be totally pessimistic, but there is a high probability that you won’t be in a relationship for your entire twenties. So, buckle up and get over it. Being single doesn’t isn’t bad, so don’t sulk over it. And just know that you aren’t completely alone – there are tons of singles out there mulling around like The Walking Dead extras.

What to do: Do what you want when you want; be selfish…and a little bitchy, too
6. You will probably move a lot

First, you usually move away from college after graduation – there’s one. And sometimes you have to move back home. Then you move out closer to your job – that’s two. Some people even move in with their SOs – that’s three….and some break up and have to move out again – that’s four.

What to do: Save your boxes!

So, you see? It’s not all bad! I mean, it could be if you let it get you down, but just remember to turn that sarcasm dial up real high and smirk your way through your twenty-somethings.

Cheers!

xOx

Original post found on my website: http://www.shaylaokeeffe.com/blog

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What NOT to Say to 20-Somethings

We get it. We should have more of our life put together. We know “at my age I was working full-time and raising a family already,” mom. And we know “at my age I had ten kids already and a house to take care of,” grandma. But guess what? It’s not the 1900s anymore, so society tells us we don’t need to be doing that right now!

Some things are just out of our control, though. I mean, we can’t help that there are too many people on this planet. We can’t help that since Social Security sucks so much, more old people are staying in the workforce. We can’t help that there are a million college degrees to chose from and no one helps us choose a practical one. We can’t help that money doesn’t grow on trees.

There are seven things that you just really shouldn’t tell (or ask) a 20-something, in general:

1.”You should find a company that offers good benefits to its employees.”

What’s wrong: First, finding ANY job would be a good start. And second, DUH, of course we need benefits; as much as the Airborne commercials claim, it won’t save you from much…like your failing vision or alcoholism.

 

2. “When do you think you’ll settle down?”

What’s wrong: First, “settling down” requires a place to settle down like a home, which we cannot afford. Second, why is THAT the first thing family asks us? If I knew, I’d have a ring on my finger, now wouldn’t I?

 

3. “You really shouldn’t drink so much.”

What’s wrong: For starters, we didn’t ask you. Also, if vino is BOGO, I’m buying-o.

 

4. “You should start a savings account.”

What’s wrong: One, no, I actually like to play this fun game where I use up all my money to the last penny each month. Two, to open an account you need money…and to get money you need a job…and to get a job you need experience…and to get experience you need a job…

 

5. “Just apply everywhere! Someone has to be hiring!”

What’s wrong: First, I, along with a million other recent grads are all applying simultaneously. Second, applying everywhere isn’t exactly effective because I can’t afford to live everywhere.

 

6. “Do you just sit around all day?”

What’s wrong: First, you’re assuming I sit – in fact, I lay down. Second, applying for jobs is a full-time position in itself: checking all the hiring websites each day, reading about the new position, writing a cover letter to match that position, uploading your resume only to find you STILL have to manually input all the info on the application, submitting the application, and then repeating.

 

7. “This is the time for you to find your passions.”

Although somewhat true, what’s wrong: First, you say that but you also expect us to start working ASAP. Second, you say that but you also tell us to realistically reign in our dreams and hopes.

If anything, just don’t offer us any advice because as millennials, we know everything already and are happily ignoring the truth. Thanks, bai.

xOx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Being in Your 20s: Curse or Blessing?

Let’s face it, we have major ups and downs in our 20s. A lot of shit happens, both good and bad. Some of it is super ugly, lots of crying and anger. Some of it is great though, with screams and jumps and smiles wider than your face. It’s all part of the game, so we just have to learn how to live it.

Yeah, sure these things can happen to 30-year-olds, too, but we’re selfish as millennials, and it’s all about us, so we go through way more, obviously (insert sassy emoji).

So is this all actually a blessing or a curse?

It's a time to figure out the rest of your life:

Let’s take it as a curse, first. Yeah it sucks.

1. We have no money – Literally. We’re actually in the negatives, with college debt and all the online shopping we do, which leads us to yelling at ourselves for being so stupid, and then to feel better we eat a lot and shop online again.

2. Our degree is useless – Very few 20-somethings have a degree that actually gets them a job. So, you know what that means? Back to school! Or settling for the worst job you could think of…retail.

3. Moving is just an emotional nightmare – We have to move from our undergrad oasis, with many of us having to move back home. Or you have to move out of an apartment and have no prospects of where to live next, that’s always fun. But the worst circumstance is when your friends moves away (ugly crying).

4. The job hunt is the absolute worst – We spend at least a year looking for a job, and then, we find one that really sucks but we’re stuck in it. We see the 1 in 100,000 of us millennials find a cool job and sulk for days because we’re obviously not cool enough.

5. We second guess everything – Should I have graduated with that degree? Should I go to graduate school? Is there a job out there for me? Will I ever move out of my parents’ house…again? Will I ever get married? Does it matter if I ever get married? How many cats is too many? Delete social media…bring it back…delete again…bring it back…

Becoming an adult is all about learning from your elders:

BUT, some of the things that happen to us while we’re in our 20s are blessings (maybe in disguise but hopefully are super obvious because we don’t have to patience to figure that ish out).

1. We can still start over – It’s not too late. You can start over at any age, really, even when you’re an old geezer. It’s just easier now, especially if you have the time and the motivation and have nothing tying you down. Change your career path (I did!) or change your relationship or change your underwear…that would be a good start.

2. New people, new friends – If we have to move, or if our friends move away, then we have to take that as an opportunity to meet new people because you never know who might be your new best friend. And they might even help you find a job one day.

3. We can sharpen our skills – Now that we don’t have homework or exams anymore (given you’ve graduated), we have allllll this time to do things we like. And who knows? Maybe it will lead to a job. If you have time, don’t waste it because even if your hobbies aren’t going to rake in the dough for you, at least it’s a stress reliever for you and keeps you mentally busy.

4. We can travel – Since our friends moved away to follow their dreams, we can use that as a reason to travel and visit them! What’s better than traveling to see your best friends? Plus, it could convince your folks to help pitch in. Or just travel period: take a road trip by yourself, fly somewhere new and explore. Go before you start your job and you don’t get vacation time for like two years.

5. Focus on you – Although it may seem like most 20-somethings are married or having kids, many of us are still single. And it’s a perfect opportunity to be totally and completely selfish. Even if you’re in a relationship, try to have “You Days” anyway. It’s important to focus on ourselves because we have a long time left in these bodies and with these minds. If it’s physical, spiritual, or emotional, go out and do something for you. Work on that hot bod since you don’t have the distraction of eating all the time with your SO. It sounds uber cheesy, but go find yourself because you’re mid-30s and 40s and 50s will be much better if you do.

"the Boxer" 12"x16" Poster Print – The Official Awkward Yeti Store - theAwkwardStore.com

It all depends on how you look at it, but it’s totally fine to be down about being in your 20s. This time in our lives is important, big things happen and some might be pretty ugly. But other things will be total miracles. Chalk up the bad as lessons learned and something checked off the list, and stay sarcastic…I mean hopeful…and everything will be just fine.

Promise.

 

 

Until next time,

xOx

 

 

 

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Expectation vs. RL: Single Adulting

We have all been (or still are) that single friend. You know how people say that each day brings new surprises? Well for the single adults, those new surprises consist of who is engaged or pregnant.

 

Friday Nights

Expectation: Girls night!

Reality: Girls Plus Ones night!

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Social Media Stalking

Expectation: Everyone is worse off than you and are horrible at life… ha ha

Reality: Diamond rings galore

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Waking Up Every Morning

Expectation: Arms wrapped around a sexy companion

Reality: Retainer wrapped around your hair

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Party Invites

Expectation: Someone’s birthday on a yacht or in a rented out bar

Reality: the two BS’s: bridal shower or baby shower

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Bar Scene

Expectation: Lots of attractive people milling around, sipping their cocktails and charming it up

Reality: Lots of couples clinging to each other

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Reunions with High School Friends

Expectation: Laughing about all the stupid things you did together and gossip about old classmates

Reality: You go through a list of everyone who got engaged in the last couple months or who now has a billion kids…gross

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Holidays

Expectation: Party after party with spiked eggnog after spiked eggnog and ugly sweaters that are actually sexy sweaters

Reality: Dodging questions from your relatives about your [lack of] love life

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Expectation vs. RL: Work

Graduation comes and goes, everyone is happy, everything is confetti-filled and sparkly, hugs and gifts come pouring in from family, and loads of pictures are taken. Then, it’s on to the real rat race. We go into the job search pretty optimistically; I mean, we do have a bachelor’s degree that cost us thousands of dollars, right? So, it can’t be that hard. Every employer will want us, young, educated millennial beauts.

 

The Job Search

Expectation: Quick look online shows 100+ jobs perfectly matched with your skill set

Reality: Zero jobs open, nothing requires the skills you possess, and no one wants you as an intern anymore

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Job Descriptions

Expectation: All with a Bachelor’s degree in (your field of interest) welcome to apply!

Reality: Master’s degree plus 3 – 5 years of experience required for a janitor position

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Jobs Open to Apply

Expectation: “Great hours, all holidays off, pay is competitive, your time is valuable”

Reality: Below entry level, pay is worse than at McDonalds, and your boss is younger than you, so you are wasetfully over-qualified

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Interview

Expectation: Friendly employer, who casually converses with you, keeps you at ease the whole time, and asks if you meet specific qualifications

Reality: A couple of mid-level bosses with blank stares make a psychiatric evaluation of you: what are your weaknesses, where do you see yourself in 10 years, what could you bring to a team?

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Work Environment

Expectations: Fun and casual fellow millennial coworkers, who are all dressed in the latest Banana Republic styles

Reality: Your coworkers are all super aged, and they just complain about their high-school aged kids and insurance

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Week Nights

Expectations: Going out with your coworkers and trying out a different fun bar every Thursday

Reality: Drive home half asleep at 6:00pm and pop your dinner in the microwave

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Weekends

Expectations: Plenty of time for fun and adventures now that you don’t have schoolwork piled up like in undergrad (everyone remembers those cram-filled Sunday afternoons that involved studying and writing papers simultaneously)

Reality: Sleep….because it’s free, and you can’t afford to go on any adventures

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The Actual Work

Expectations: Fun, creative projects that will change the company and propel you upward to promotion after promotion

Reality: Lots of graphs, paperwork, and stapling

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Keep an eye out for the next installment of Expectation vs. Reality!

xOx

 

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#NationalBestFriendDay Post-Grad Style

The idea of our “best friend” has evolved as awkwardly as we have since childhood: there are many phases of best friends and many types of BFFs. Some stay with us since childhood and others we are lucky enough to pick up along the way.

We have gone from the best friend, who we played make-believe games with as toddlers.

To the BBFLs in elementary school, who we tried new sports with and pretended we were “big kids.”

To the best friends in middle school, who we mutually helped get through the inexplicable awkwardness of 6th-8th grade.

To the best friends in high school, who we acted like pure fools with and thought we could handle a lot more than we actually could.

To the sistas (or bros) in college, who we cried in front of, who knew our secrets, who tested our limits, and who struggled hard with us.

To the current besties in our post-grad life. They are a special kind of best friend. There are different life experiences to explore, different stories to tell, different problems to tackle.

Here are the types of best-friend-moments you will have in your post grad, adult-like life:

 

1. “Going Out” means going out the door (only slightly) to get the pizza delivery 

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2. “Girls Nights” are more like laying on the couch (or floor) and just complaining 

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3. “Shopping Days” are when you run into each other at the grocery store and can both only afford a maximum of 6 items

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4. “Movie Nights” are Netflix marathons that turn into weekend-long endeavors 

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5. “Drinks Night” consist of getting all dressed and ready, only to realize it’s already 9:30pm and close to bedtime, so you stay in and drink cheap wine from a bag instead

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6. “Adventures” are more like finding a new, trendy place to eat that is all over social media and pretending you are “cool” or whatever that is these days

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7. “Gossip” is more like pulling up the Facebook accounts of old high school peers and either 1)laughing until you snort or 2) punching the computer screen 

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8. “Laughing-fits” are when you both realize that you have nothing going for you LOLOLololo…. 

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9. Text conversations are just sending each other memes about your day or sending Buzzfeed posts that are scarily-accurate of your current struggles

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10. Birthdays are more like a set actual nights out that you force each other to do 

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So happy National Best Friends Day 2016, you poor kids!

xOx

 

 

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Leap Year Shenanigans

WOO we get an extra day this year. An entire 24-hours to do anything you would like. A freebie day. A second chance. An actual birthday for some of you.

What are you going to this fine day of February 29th?

Work. Because it is a DANG MONDAY.

Not only will you work (or go to class) but it is a Monday on top of all of this. We get to waste our special extra day on the worst day of the week. Our 366th day is wasted on hating the world.

But if you’re going to sit there on an extra day of the year, you may as well know a few interesting facts about it.

Here’s what you did not know about Leap Year:

1. It takes the earth a little bit less than 365 ¼ days (365.242 days) to orbit the Sun (solar year). For this reason, the full day is only added once every four years. Gross, math. blog1

 

2. Women are [allowed or] encouraged to propose to men on Leap Year…guess it’s good luck or something? So, in other words, Leap Year is a feminist holiday.

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3. There is a 1 in 1,461 chance a child will be born on Leap Year. So if you’re a Leapling, you should probably never gamble. 

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4. People with annual or fixed salaries actually don’t get paid for the extra day…work for free? No thank you. Power to the unemployed post-grads!

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5.  Two important things happen every year there is a Leap Year: a presidential election and the summer Olympics. We have an extra day to watch the shenanigans of election season; aren’t we lucky?! 

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I’m Done With: Holiday Couples 

Is it just me or are holiday couples worse than regular couples?

They drank the koolaid, and it’s really taking a toll on us single folks. We just need to make it to Valentine’s Day and all will be {more} normal.

For starters, does everyone get engaged for Christmas or Valentine’s Day? Is that part of the relationship agreement? As if everyone on my Facebook wasn’t engaged before, now they literally are all engaged. Thanks for ruining social media for me.

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Second, there is way more PDA than other times of the year. I guess the cold weather makes the public snuggling acceptable? Or maybe it’s the Christmas caroling that makes the public snogging cute now? Well none of this is okay. …and yes I said snog….like in Harry Potter.

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Next, how is it that all holiday couples are ten times more attractive? They are all glowing and basking in a golden light. It’s weird. They are all smiles, taking photographs together, and canoodling like a gorgeous J.Crew couple.

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Lastly, holiday couples make normally-acceptable-single activities now unbearable. For example, going to get carry-out is way worse during the holidays because you get a glance of every table in the restaurant taken….by couples. Ice skating is out (literally all couples). Walking in the park is out (engagement photo shoots). Shopping is also out (couples are making their gift registries).

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So a note to all you single people, keep your chin up and hang in there until February 15th. All magical annoying-ness will back to normal.

 

xOx

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I’m Done With: Eating

On to my second segment of things I’m Done With: first, driving in Florida, and now I’m done with eating.

Not only do the holidays mean all of your money being spent, it also means all of your diet plans are out of the window. As much as you tell yourself that you will be good this year, it never happens and don’t lie to yourself. So because of that, I’m done eating …. completely.

1. I’m about to explode

Every time someone mentions it’s lunch or dinner, I just want to explode from the inside out. I’m literally on the verge of erupting at any moment. Don’t you dare try to tickle me or else mashed potatoes will spew from from my eyeballs.

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2. I hate myself

For all of you who said you ate healthy for the holidays: you are a liar and will never make it to heaven with that attitude. There is no way a person could eat healthy for the holidays or else they are not living properly. But, because I ate my holiday dinner like a normal person, I completely hate myself. I have covered all my mirrors so I don’t have to look at my shameful self. Bad self.

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3. Leftovers have a special meaning

It is not just like your typical, weekly chicken-n-rice leftovers that barely pass as edible; holiday dinner leftovers are round two [or round three for some]. It is another entire feast for the day after you gorged on food. I just want one pathetic, stingy plate of food when it’s the acceptable time to eat.

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4. I broke my own trust

I thought I could handle all of the sweets around me. I thought I had control. I thought I could stop. I thought I could say no. I thought I was stronger than that. But lo and behold, I am weak. What’s wrong with stuffing a dessert in my mouth while everyone opens presents, while we cook dinner, between every course of the meal, and after the meal?

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5. Everything is boring now

After indulging in holiday goodness, it is hard to get back to reality and even harder to get back to realistic meals….like ramen noodles and cereal. All my hopes of delicious eating have been fulfilled and were even over-satisfied, but now it is time to get back to boring meals and flavorless dishes made from the scraps in the fridge or cupboard.

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And on that note, I’m going to go finish off that tin of holiday cookies that has been calling my name as I write this post….

 

xOx

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8 Things You Know You’ve Done

You know you’ve done each and every one of these things. Don’t lie to yourself. Or me.

  1. Slowing down as you are passing a cop with radar hoping the radar only catches your speed when you literally right in front of the police car
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  2. Drinking cold water after burning your tongue or throat hoping it would un-burn you
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  3. Trying to delete a text while it’s still sending in hopes that stops it from going through
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  4. Eating an entire pizza by yourself and immediately start walking around to attempt to freeze the calories in time
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  5. Punching someone in the neck while going in for a hug because you couldn’t figure out whose arms were going on top
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  6. Paying your credit card frantically hoping that every minute you save you don’t get the full interest.
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  7. Tearing the grocery bag, giving yourself a hernia, and popping a blood vessel in your face while you struggle to make only one trip up the stairs after shopping
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  8. Watering your plant after it has already turned yellow-brown…it can come back from this, right?
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