Tag Archives: postgrad humor

Expectation vs. RL: Dieting

It’s a constant war between our love of food and wanting to be “fit”. We want all our muscles being showcased, abs popping out, butt tight, and legs as toned as Carrie Underwood’s… BUT OMG FOOD.

1. The realization that you need to start eating cleaner

Expectation: I gained 1 pound – better get back into shape!

Reality: I gained 1 pound…every day for the last three years straight.

 

2. The first day feels

Expectation: I feel so renewed and ready for this!

Reality: Maybe I’ll start tomorrow?

 

 

3. The first day’s food inventory

Expectation: Fruits and veggies everywhere!

Reality: Someone at work brings doughnuts in, it’s also someone’s birthday so there’s cake, and then, it’s The-Bachelor-and-Pizza night.

 

 

4. Time to exercise

Expectation: I used to be in such great shape – this is like riding a bike! I’ll be back in shape in no time.

Reality: Died…on the treadmill…walking…for 15 minutes.

 

 

5. Meal preppin’

Expectation: Super easy, fun and diverse meals all ready to go by Sunday night.

Reality: Get half a week’s meals ready one time – time to call it quits.

 

 

6. Choosing healthier options

Expectation: This is so easy, salmon and chicken salads all day, errday.

Reality: Maybe if I order the fat-free Ranch dressing with these wings it’ll be okay.

 

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7. Three months later…

Expectation: Look at those abs popping out!

Reality: LOL 3 months? I quit DAY 3.

 

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But have no fear, you high-expectation folks. You’re not alone! Plus, who really needs to “diet”? Food is too precious to waste.

Until next time

xOx

Find the original post on my new website: www.shaylaokeeffe.com

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Types of: Coworkers

As we begin our life in the workforce, we realize that every job has the same people. Well, maybe not the same looking people but the same types of people. So, the real question is where do you fit in this group of misfits?

 

  1. The Cookie Monster

This person goes around to everyone’s office and takes whatever sweets, candies, or snacks they can find. You think they are coming into your office (or cubicle) to say hi, but really they just want a piece of candy that’s sitting on your desk. This person even goes into offices after people leave to grab some sweets. You garbage disposal, you.

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  1. The Pushover

This person goes above and beyond to make sure everyone is happy, from replenishing the coffee to make copies of stuff for you, to organizing and reorganizing the entire office every other day. You need to take like just one chill pill, man.

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  1. The Therapee

This person talks to everyone about everything because they obviously don’t get enough attention at home from their spouse or their cat. Either way, they treat everyone like a therapist, and it’s so stressful. I CAN’T HELP YOU WITH YOUR COOKING FAIL AT YOUR IN-LAWS LAST NIGHT, SARAH.

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  1. The Confucius

Unlike the actual Confucius, this person has literally no idea what’s going on in life. Sometimes they even make you wonder if they know they work here. They walk around asking everyone else what to do or how to work something. This may even be the upper-level employees. How do you still not know how the coffee dispenser works?!

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  1. The Juggler

This is the person that has just WAY too much to do. They are barely in the office and when they are, they don’t have time to talk to anyone unless you literally trip them in the hallway to talk for the few seconds it takes them to stand back up. Usually, it’s the bosses or the VPs because they have a million meetings to attend, but chances are that they have no idea what the meetings are about…even after they leave.

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  1. The Millennial

This person is constantly on their phone or social media accounts. Every time you walk by they are on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest…or even blogging…  Anyway, no matter the age or if they are actually a millennial, this person can’t stop socializing online. Hopefully, they also have a job in social media marketing or something similar so that they can cover up their addiction and not get fired their second day.

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  1. The Mom

This person is the one who would bring in pastries on Mondays and remember people’s birthdays so there was a cake for them. It’s more than likely a female only because most men can barely remember their own birthdays, so let’s just be sexist for this one. Anyway, this is the person you want to be friends with right away because they’ll probably tell you first that there’s free food in the conference room.

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Comment below which is you!

Until next time,

xOx

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Expectation vs. RL: Dating in Postgrad

Everyone knows the postgrad life is not exactly what we imagined….or what we had mentally and emotionally prepared ourselves for; so, this segment of Expectation vs. Real Life will focus on the dating scene and what to actually expect. It is not at all like the Disney suggested. Although, those princesses were basically pre-teens, so I guess we should have already accepted that we missed our prince charming.

Friday Nights

Expected: Going out every week and flirting the night away with your large group of friends

Reality: Getting home from work and barely being able to make it to the couch to turn on Netflix

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Dating Apps

Expectation: Mutually swiping right for a select few compatible mates

Reality: Aggressively swiping right for everyone because you are desperate and no one swipes back

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Flirting

Expectation: Professional, confident, likable, and cute

Reality: Completely oblivious to everything because it’s been so long and you are totally behind the times

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Compatibility

Expectation: Opposites attract, like-forces attract, you can make anything work

Reality: Anything and everything that is just a little bit different between you two is a GIANT pet-peeve

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Meeting “The One”

Expectation: Some adorable, romantic, once-in-a-lifetime moment

Reality: Making a pact as children to be stuck marrying each other if you weren’t married by 30

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First Dates

Expectation: Romantic, unique adventure that ends with staring up at the stars

Reality: Typical chain restaurant that ends with you two walking separately back to your car

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Date Conversations

Expectation: Cute and sexy 20-questions

Reality: Complaining about loans, lack of money, a horrible job, and life as a twentysomething

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Social Media

Expectation: Candid photos showing how in love you both are, whilst showing off how much fun you are having in life

Reality: Continuous and unappealing selfies that make you two look more like a mess than anything else

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Have anymore expectation vs. real life dating scenarios? Comment below!

xOx

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