Tag Archives: sarcastic

Things to Stop Asking Twentysomethings

We get it. We should have more of our crap together at this point in our life. The constant questioning is not going to help us figure things out, though. So get out of the interrogation room and let us be….free. We know what you really mean when you ask us things; you’re not as sly as you think, sir.

Here’s what you ask us….and here’s what we hear….

1. So…any wedding bells ringing soon?

What we hear: Are you seriously still single? You’re going to die alone, you know that right?

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2. Any exciting job offers?

What we hear: You’re going to be unemployed forever so better go pick out your box to live in.

3. How’s grad school?

What we hear: Have you failed out yet? You know that Cs don’t get degrees in grad school, right?

4. Are you living out on your own yet?

What we hear: How long will you mooch off your parents? Poor mom and dad would like to retire.

5. Time to start thinking long-term. Finances are a pain, am I right?

What we hear: You’re already behind on everything regarding stability in your life.

6. Remember the good old days of undergrad?!

What we hear: You are older than the dust under my fridge and now have no life.

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7. What do you miss the most from college?

What we hear: You’re no longer in college….wait, what?

8. How’s the real life treating you so far?

What we hear: Have you failed yet? Because you are going to sooner or later…

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xOx

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10 Things to Question about Your Life after Undergrad

Questionable phases of life after gradation. We all go through them and we all survive them….well most of us do. Here are 10 things to question:

1. Receiving a job offer

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Because of all the talk about the difficulty of getting a job, if you do receive an offer, it becomes very suspicious. Wait, I only applied to 20 jobs and actually got one? Whereas, you hear horror stories of people applying to 40 jobs and getting one interview and no job. It is a paid position, right? Not an internship? Always be on high alert when something happens too easily in the working-world. Unless you got hired at McDonald’s, then just nod and accept it.

2.  Old friends

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Some of your old friends act like they have too much of their shiznit together. Those are the ones you need to watch out for. No one has that much of their life pieced together yet. And with the politics starting to erupt already for 2016, some of your friends’ true colors are coming out over Facebook…question their reasoning. Block.

3.  Your relationship status

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If you feel like Christ Traeger, you are probably questioning yourself, too. Leaving undergrad means leaving all of your friends, and who knows when you will all be together in one spot again?

4. All the work you did in undergrad

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All that stuff you had to memorize for exams was beyond pointless. It was actually wasteful. Wasted the space in your brain, wasted your time, wasted thousands of note cards. Question why you tried so hard do to do well in those useless courses. And then be ready to get mad.

5. Your ability to keep it all together

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If you can fake it enough to act like you have it all together, you deserve an award. If you think you have your life all put together nicely, you need to question yourself. Don’t lie to us, you rub your face into a pillow every night before bed like our trusty, relate-able buddy, Nick Miller.

6. Your career choice

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Think you know what you want to do after you graduate? Guess again. Chances are you will question yourself with every job application or every grad school assignment. If all else fails, become a wizard; it’s as close as you will be to a real job after you graduate anyway.

7.  Your ability to stay professional at all times

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Think you will act like a mature adult now that you have a diploma? Chances are you will become very sarcastic very quickly. Professionalism is boring anyway, so question those who act like it all the time. Plus, you’re still a child in the eyes of many.

8. Your so-called undergrad accomplishments

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Think being secretary in an undergrad club will get you far in the job market? Think that one intramural team you were on will help? It won’t. And the lack of actual “accomplishments” on your resume will only make you feel worse. I hate that part of a resume anyway. Can watching Netflix be on there?

9. Your interview capabilities

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Maybe give yourself a practice round or two before that job interview. And if you don’t, question why you aren’t. No one is actually prepared for an interview. That’s the joke of the year. It’s also something they didn’t teach you in undergrad, so question your college/university on that one.

10.  Your ability to flirt

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If you think you’re still in ‘the game’, you’re probably wrong. Question why it hasn’t worked out for you so far.

xOx

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Filed under College, College Life, Graduates, Graduation, Phases, Phases of Life, Post Grad, Post Grad Problems, Students, Undergrad

Another One Bites the Dust

Once again another friend of mine has gotten engaged. That makes ten of my peers now who have officially committed their lives to their significant other. And yet here I am, completely and one-hundred percent single. Not even a possibility on the horizon. The horizon is as clear as my message inbox. It’s as empty as my bank account. It’s as bare as my refrigerator.

The world today is sending mixed messages, which makes this single-state hard to fully understand. Independence, work-first-centered life, overly social yet commitment-free life, and quick to boredom are the values of our generation and today’s youth. However, a lot of our friends are getting engaged at this point in life. So are we supposed to be the young and free type, or the settle-down early type?

I think I’ve been forced into the first grouping of people. Or is it a defense we take on to explain why we are still single? What is more frustrating is that my Christian friends are the ones who seem to be getting engaged young. They have been in relationships with their SOs for a while, too. And as much as I’ve prayed for some sign, I’ve come up empty. Which only means that the horizon is still in fact clear of any male-sailboats heading to the shore. It’s just not time for me. How is it then that my friends have been graced with such love?

I want to be an independent person with a good career to keep me going, lots of different friends, always on the move. But I also want that special person to come home to at the end of the day, or to call up when I need someone to lean on, or to watch Netflix and eat ice cream with. I’m tired of being the third wheel or the only person without a plus-one at weddings or special events. And as mad as I get, I can’t really blame anyone. I can’t blame myself because I can’t change who I am, I can’t blame a guy because he is not interested in me, I can’t blame the couples I know because they are lucky.

Then comes the questions: Is there something wrong with me? What am I missing that these girls with boyfriends have? Will a guy even want to date me since I’ve never been in a long-term relationship? Do I have commitment problems? You know all of these cross your mind, too, if you are single. I agonize over these questions more than my stomach agonizes over that time between lunch and dinner. I mean, something must be wrong with me, right? I need to accept my bad luck, assume the worst, and move on. Or need to pray for genuine patience and acceptance of life as it is. I need to take in my journey as a single person. I need to learn things on my own, before a significant other is brought into my life, maybe. I need to walk my own path before diverging it with another person.

I hope I can stay positive and keep this mind-frame for a while. Comment back if you’re in the same boat as me! Love to all you singles xox.

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